“Earlier in the course, you wrote about losing something. Today, write about finding something. For your twist, view day four’s post and today’s post as installments in a series.”
I lost my best friend, Rose. to breast cancer more than six months ago. Once, I reached closure and accepted Rose’s death, I realized:
“As I grow older, my circle of girlfriends grows smaller. Reconnecting with those girlfriends that I have disconnected from is one of my top priorities.” (Day Four: The Serial Killer)
I recently reached out to reconnect and re-establish a relationship with two girlfriends from my past. One, I separated from due to a disagreement; and, the other neglect.
More than twenty-five years later, I still have no idea what caused the disagreement that severed the seven-year relationship with Danny. It just happened without even a departing argument. The disagreement was serious enough for Danny to “no-show” at our eldest daughter’s wedding on June 25, 1988. But, her husband did attend along with their 13-year-old daughter, who served as a wedding hostess.
As I look back, Danny’s failure to attend the wedding angered me more than a disagreement. But, apparently, the disagreement angered her enough to decide not to attend the wedding.
For the past year, I indirectly re-entered Danny’s life through a Facebook Friendship with her daughter. Periodically, Tiffany posted videos and photos about her 7-year-old daughter and parents. Finally, I decided to inbox message and ask for her mom’s contact information.
It took me three weeks to telephone Danny. I was nervous. Was she still angry? Was I still angry? Was either one of us ready to forgive and forget?
When I telephoned, she was not home and I left a brief voice mail message saying, “This is a long-lost friend from your past. I follow Tiffany on Facebook and just wanted to touch base with you again.”
She called two days later, explaining they had been in the process of relocating from Arizona to Florida. We spent hours talking about our husbands, children, grandchildren, places lived, jobs held, etc. We both had faced life threatening illnesses and survived, since last seeing each other.
We ended the conversation agreeing to stay in touch to rebuild our friendship. We never talked about disagreements or failing to attend a wedding. I think the two of us were just happy for our lost girlfriend reunion.
I have no idea when I first met Dorothy. Our mothers were best friends. Her grandmother was a friend to my grandparents. Our family roots connected in the small Mississippi town where Dorothy grew up; and, I visited every summer. I was closer to Dorothy’s sister and cousin during those summer visits as a child. But, when she married and moved to Chicago in 1963, our relationship grew and a true friendship emerged.
In 1969, both our families relocated to Madison, Wisconsin. Hubby, Dorothy and I were accepted as students at the University of Wisconsin. After graduating, Dorothy returned to Chicago; and, we remained in Wisconsin.
We didn’t visit; but, periodically connected by phone. Our personal contact was limited to school reunions, retirements, funerals, and weddings. Though, I did follow what was going on in Dorothy’s life as a friend of her son’s on Facebook.
Through neglect, Dorothy and I allowed our friendship to disintegrate. When I reached out to Dorothy, we affirmed how important it is for us to work on rebuilding this life-long friendship. Agreeing that the problem was our false belief that we would always be there for each other, when needed.
We now understand the need to stay connected. Because each year, as we grow older, our girlfriend population is growing smaller.
Grateful that I found two lost friends. While they won’t replace Rose, with proper girlfriend nurturing, we may become best friends forever.