Uncategorized – Page 33 – SeasonedSistah

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired….

I struggled with writing this post; but I had to speak out after the Travon Martin trial.

A young military wife, in 1963, with two toddlers, sitting in our cramped living room, watching the March on Washington, listening to Dr. Martin Luther King’s speech; and, realizing, his dream was the “dream” I wanted for my son and daughter.

“I HAVE A DREAM that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true

meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident,

that all mean are created equal.

I HAVE A DREAM that my four little children will one day live in a

nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by

the content of their character.”

Back then, I was hopeful and optimistic that a change was gonna come. Today, fifty years later, I am disappointed and pessimistic wondering how long is it gonna take.”

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired[1] — of the racial injustices where people continue to be Judged by the Color of their Skin.”

Emmett Till

I lived in FEAR throughout most of my teenage years. Though, only 13-years-old, even today, I vividly recall the murder of Emmett Till on August 28, 1955. He was a 14-year-old African-American male, from Chicago, visiting his grandfather in Mississippi. Two white men decided to end Emmett’s life. Why, because he either, whistled at, flirted with, or touched the hands, of a white cashier at a grocery store.

Brutally beaten, mutilated, shot in the head; his young body was tied up with barbed wired and dumped in the river. Despite overwhelming evidence, on September 23, 1955 his two assailants were acquitted. The Jim Crow Laws allowed Emmett to be “Judged by the Color His Skin.”

With the exception of gender, Emmett’s life pretty much mirrored mine. I, too, lived in Chicago and visited my grandparents in Mississippi every summer. During those visits, they schooled me on what was acceptable behavior for a young black girl in Mississippi. On the first day of my visit, they reminded me to “say yes mam, no mam, look down, speak quietly, never question or talk back to white folks. They don’t play here you ain’t in Chicago.”

Travon Martin

On February 26, 2011, this seventeen-year-old boy was shot and killed at about 7:00 p.m. while walking home on a rainy night in the gated community where he was visiting his father. Killed because “HE WAS JUDGED BY THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN,” Mr. Zimmerman assumed an African-American male teenager, wearing a hoodie was a thug; and, therefore, a threat to him and others who lived in this gated community.

Loud voices cried out for justice and after some 45 days he was finally charged. A jury trial resulted in a Not Guilty verdict. Under Florida’s Stand Your Ground Law, Mr. Zimmerman had the right to shoot rather than retreat.

As the grandmother of three young African American males, ranging in age from 13-24, I identify with what happened to Travon. Living in a gated community, about 20 miles from where Travon was killed, we now have “safety guidelines” for our three grandsons to follow when they visit. I am frustrated that my grandchildren are forced to deal with the FEAR of DEATH because someone

Chooses to Judge by the Color of Skin; and
Understands the protection afforded under the Stand Your Ground Laws.

Like Jim Crow, Stand Your Ground Must Go

“I am sick and tired of being sick and tired”

[1] Fannie Lou Hamer, Civil Rights Activist

Hubby: The Author

When Hubby told me He planned to write a book, I absent-mindedly replied, “great idea.” But, silently, I thought, “this will never happen.” Though, I knew Hubby had a story to tell, I doubted whether He would be able to –

set aside the time required to write a book.

limit or end relationships with the “circle of people” He had devoted so much time to since retiring?

understand the “circle of people” would continue to live their lives and survive, maybe even thrive, without His input support, feedback, comments and/or encouragement.

To my surprise, Hubby laid off:

MSNBC News (Alex, Andrea, Tamron, Krystal, Toure, Ari, Chris, Al, Rachel, Lawrence, Chris, Steve, Ed, and Melissa)
Basketball Games
Football Games

But, the one “circle relationship” He remained loyal to, His idol, Tiger Woods. Every time Tiger plays, Hubby retreats, hibernates, and focuses on watching the game of golf. After the last 18^th Hole is played, He reappears and comes back to Me and our life together.

Underestimating Hubby, after fifty-three years of our “up close and personal relationship, was a BIG MISTAKE. I, of all people should have known Hubby would write and publish His book of memoirs. Why, because he said so. And, when He sets a goal – it happens.

Meet The Author

The Son of A Sharecropper Achieves the American Dream

by James C. Thomas

Introduction

I am a 70-year-old black male who was born in Mississippi in 1941 to an 18-year-old unwed mother with one child. My parents were sharecroppers. I did not know my biological father until I was 15 years old. I grew up in dire poverty in the pre-Civil Rights south, chopping and picking cotton for ten hours a day, eight months of the year. I was a high school dropout and had my first child out-of-wedlock, at the tender age of 17. One year later I married my beautiful 17-year-old-childhood sweetheart and by age 26 I was the father of four children. By age 33, I had obtained a Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I overcame my difficult beginnings to become the successful person I am today.

This year my wife Yvonne and I celebrated our 52^nd anniversary. Thanks to a lot of hard work and God’s blessings, I now live in Brown Deer, Wisconsin, a suburb of Milwaukee, and have a winter home in a gated community in Orlando, Florida. I live in a beautiful house, have a large collection of African-American art, and mementos, drive a luxury car, and am not without resources and material comforts. I am surrounded by treasured books by William Faulkner, James Baldwin, Richard Wright, Ralph Ellison, W.E. B. DuBois, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Marcus Garvey, and numerous other authors who have written about the African-American experience in America. I am truly blessed with a rich network of friends going back to elementary school including my best friend, my loving wife Yvonne. I have four children, eight grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren, all blessed with good health and sound minds, and pursuing outstanding careers.

My story and my family’s story is about being black in this country – an honest story about how much progress has been made, but also about how much progress needs to be achieved. I faced many hardships and struggles as a poor black boy growing up in 1950s Mississippi. But my struggles and hardships didn’t end when I moved to the north and began my professional career in business and government service. While I was no longer chopping and picking cotton ten hours a day, I was still in ways treated like a second-class citizen. This book, then, is a cautionary tale about attitudes that have not changed fast enough and the progress that still needs to be made.

At the same time this is not a memoir by an angry black man. Rather, it is a story of hope and perseverance – about how I overcame tremendous odds to achieve success and the American dream. Despite the problems I describe, I’ve had many more victories, and I am thankful to my family, friends, colleagues, and country for the opportunities and achievements that have blessed my life.

I hope you enjoy this book. May it inspire you to tell your own story. (James C. Thomas, Orlando, FL, August 1, 2012)

To My Hubby On Your First Book

Kudos, Congratulations, Hats Off, Well Done, Great Job, Outstanding, Superb, Tremendous, Exceptional

We Are A Seasoned Couple

Dedicated to Living Life to Its Fullest

Uwakwe: Overcame The Odds

The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Employment and Training Institute recently released a report entitled, “Wisconsin Mass Incarceration of African-American Males: Workforce Challenges for 2013” stated: “two-thirds of the county’s incarcerated African-American men came from 6 zip codes in Milwaukee.”

Uwakwe Omegbu grew up in one of those “zip codes with the highest concentration of released and incarcerated ex-offenders.” But, he Overcame the Odds.

He set a goal.
He worked to reach the goal.
He met the goal

Uwakwe Accomplished His Mission.

He graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee on May 19, 2013 earning a Bachelors of Science Degree with a:

Major in Mechanical Engineering; and
Minor in Computer Science

I first met Uwakwe when he was a 13-years-old middle school student. We hired him to work in our family owned medical practice through a Youth Outreach Program. Working on Saturday mornings picking up paper around our large parking lot, Uwakwe showed up every Saturday whether rain, sleet, or snow to do his job.

By his sophomore year in high school, he had worked his way up to office related tasks and assisting with maintaining our network of computers and servers.

Once in college, internships and trainee opportunities opened up new doors for Uwakwe related to his long-term professional goals.

Internship, Web/Graphic Design, Prism Technical
Research Assistant, School of Information Studies, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Research Assistant, Nanotechnology, College of Engineering and Applied Science, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Internship, Business Process and Technology, S.C. Johnson

Throughout the college years, Uwakwe was always available to help with special projects and assignments at our medical facility.

When I asked Uwakwe how he Overcame the Odds, he quickly answered:

Having Faith in God
Family Support
Extracurricular Activities

I am extremely grateful to have been a part of this outstanding young man’s life from his middle school days to college graduation.

Congratulations Uwakwe Omegbu you, undeniably, Overcame the Odds.

Humor and Chronic Pain- A Top 10 List

Humor and Chronic Pain- A Top 10 List.

Say Your Name

I never wanted to know anything about my name other than what Mama told me. But, I decided to find out more after seeing a May 28, 2013 WordPress Daily Prompt idea to write a post in response to three questions:

“Question #1: Are you named after someone or something?

Mama picked my name after coming across photos of babies advertising Palmolive Soap and Colgate Toothpaste. Featured in the photos were The Dionne quintuplets, Annette, Cercile, Yvonne, Marie and Emilie.

The five sisters were born from a single egg in 1934 and given the title, “Miracle Babies.”

I was given the name of two of the sisters, Yvonne Marie.

Question #2: Are there any stories or associations attached to it?

My Two Names

For many year, people called me “Uhvonne” and not “Evonne.” In my early teens, I tried to convince Mama that “Yv” is pronounced as “E.” But, she firmly replied “I named you ‘Uhvonne and that’s your name.” As a teenager, I decided life would be less confusing if I pronounced my name as “Evonne? “ Though, out of respect for Mama; in her presence I was always “Uhvonne.”

Yvonnes’ in the United States

There are 315,960,850 people in the United States. Of this number 199,055 are named Yvonne. It is now the 322^nd most popular name and 99.9% of people with the first name Yvonne are female.

Notable People Named Yvonne

Wikipedia listed twenty-four notable people with the first name Yvonne. I chose to highlight four.

Yvonne Braithwaite Burke, Lawyer Politician and the first woman elected to Congress.

Yvonne Darlene Cagle, M.D., Colonel United States Air Force, and NASA Astronaut

Yvonne DeCarlo, Actress most noted for roles played in the Ten Commandments and Band of Angels. In the 1960s, she was the character, Lili Munson, in the television series, The Munsters.

Yvonne Craig, former ballet dancer and actress. She is most famous for playing Batgirl in the 1960s series, Batman,” and Marta in the episode of Star Trek the Original Series “Whom Gods Destroy.

Nicknames for Yvonne

Wikipedia reports the following common nicknames: Vonnie, Yvie, Evie, Bonnie, Ronnie, Scone, Eve. Other than my husband of fifty-three years calling me Vonnie, no one has tagged me with any of the other common names.

Question #3: If you had the choice, would you rename yourself?

Definitely, no. More than seventy years ago, Mama made the choice to name me — Yvonne. Almost twenty-two years ago, my Eldest Daughter decided to give her first child the middle name — Yvonne.

Mama, is no longer with us, but her 70-year-old daughter and 22-year-old, great-granddaughter continue to honor and cherish the name she chose —Yvonne.

I Was A “Me – Pessimist”

Confession!!! I lived most of my life as a “me–pessimist.” Sadly, I spent too many years believing

my “glass was half empty and not half full;” and
it was impossible for me to make “lemonade out of lemons.”

Frankly, I was the half empty glass” as well as the ‘lemons.” The years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse perpetrated by a dysfunctional and alcoholic father created a weak woman. A wounded soul, low self-esteem, and no confidence; I, the “me-pessimist” focused on the negatives and not the positives.

But, mind you, I was overly optimistic when it came to others. If friends or family strayed into the “pessimist mode;” I quickly stepped in hoping to turn their negative thoughts into positive ones. Sadly, I did not feel empowered to do the same for myself.

Over the years, seeking the approval and acceptance of others, I ignored many of my hopes, dreams and desires. The fear of being judged hindered my ability to think like an “optimist.” You see I felt safe and comfortable living life as a “me-pessimist.”

A breast cancer diagnosis in 2008 and a life threatening respiratory illness in 2010 was a life-changer. At last I understood, as one of God’s Creations, I was blessed with the ability to “make choices.”

Now, I choose to live with my “glass half full and not half empty” and to “make lemonade out of lemons.” In other words, I choose to —

make “every day” a “great day “ and my “best day”
focus on the positives and reject the negatives

Living, Learning and Loving

Following a life-threatening illness in 2010, I finally exhaled, opened my eyes, and realized tomorrow was not promised. Understanding and accepting that I had more yesterdays than tomorrows. At sixty-seven years old, I decided it was time to start:

Living life to its fullest;
Learning new things; and
Loving me

In doing so, I feel Empowered to

Let Go of the unnecessary baggage I carried around for most of my life;
Say No to “my wants and desires,” and
Say Yes to “my needs.”

During my early transition phase, I was seeking to “find my true self “ and “identify my needs.” To accomplish this, I had to exit my comfort zone to explore new experiences.

The journey I have chosen to follow is challenging, but it has opened the doors to exciting new places, things and people

Yoga Classes
Aqua Zumba Classes
Spiritual Meditation
Journaling
Blogging
Social Media
Container Flower Gardening

Closing old doors and entering new ones has brought peace, happiness, love, tranquility and serenity into my life.

Today at 70-years-young, I am Living, Learning and Loving everyday.

Early Morning Reflections on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day Cards

Waking up at 6:30 a.m., I felt an overwhelming need for solitude. Grabbing the five unopened greeting cards from my desk, I quickly and quietly left the bedroom hoping not to wake the sleeping Hubby. Leisurely drinking my morning coffee at the kitchen table, I admired and read the Mother’s Day cards that came in yesterday’s mail.

Four were from my son-in-law, GPKII, I know they were selected, purchased and sent on behalf of my two oldest grandchildren, Lady C and GPKIII. Like me, GPKII has a passion for selecting just the right greeting cards. Whatever the occasion, I can always count on a beautiful card from the son-in-law.

The other card was from my Florida Daughter. I met her shortly after arriving in Florida three years ago. This was a chance meeting outside of a local bagel shop and has grown in to a supportive and caring relationship.

I love to send and receive greeting cards. Especially, pleasurable is selecting just the right card for the occasion. Rarely, will I receive a card, in recognition of any occasion, from hubby, the kids and grandkids. I know them well enough to say with confidence, sending or receiving a greeting card would rank very low on their “makes me feel good list.” It’s not a problem. Their love flows toward me in more ways than I could ever count.

Four Extraordinary Mothers In My Life

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. (Essayist and Biographer, Washington Irving)

I have had the pleasure of sharing a part of my life with four Extraordinary Mothers — Mama, Carrie, Pam and Kim. In observing them over the years, I have been blessed to see firsthand what can only be described as “picture perfect images” of dedicated, loving, and giving Mother.

Mama, you carried me in your womb for nine months. The two of us lived as a single loving and supportive unit for the first seventeen years of my life. This unit was expanded to include my husband and our three children until you left us on that cold day in December of 1967. I miss you but know you are in a place where there is an abundance of love, joy and peace.

Happy Mother’s Day Mama – Rest in Peace

Carrie, from the day I married your son, you opened up your heart and arms welcoming me into a new family. God blessed me with a mother-in-law who loved me like a mother. I really relied on you for that maternal support and love after the death of my own mother. Thank you for always being there for me. Our family’s life today is better because your door was always open to care for and love our three children whenever we asked. During those times when the pressures of working and/or being full time students left little time for parenting, you never complained and lovingly welcomed your grandkids into your home summer after summer. You will always have a special place in my heart. We miss you, but know you are in a restful and peaceful place.

Happy Mother’s Day Carrie – Rest in Peace

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. (Author Unknown)

Pam, my firstborn God blessed me with the opportunity to be with you during the birth of both Lady C and GPKIII. From the first day of their lives, you made them your #1 priority. Family remains at the top of your “priority list.” Over the past eight years following your husband’s life threatening stroke, you overcame the odds. Though you faced challenges, you had the strength and courage to confront them. Thank you for blessing me with two beautiful grandchildren. I am proud to call you Daughter.

Happy Mother’s Day Pam

Kim, my baby girl you entered the world during a trying time in my life. Within three months of your arrival, Mama died following a two-year illness. I am blessed she was able to hold you in her arms everyday for even that short period. You and CJ, I oftentimes joke are still connected by the umbilical cord. I am impressed with the countless hours you devote to ensure that CJ is afforded every opportunity to succeed academically, socially, and athletically. Thank you for my loving grandson, CJ. I am honored to call you Daughter.

Happy Mother’s Day Kim

Closing Comment

Over the last few hours of writing this post, I was interrupted with calls wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day from:

Son, KA, and my four-year-old granddaughter – Wisconsin
Daughter, Pam and son-in-law GPKIII – Illinois
Granddaughter, Lady C, Wisconsin
Daughter, Kim and grandson CJ – Wisconsin
Nephew BW – Illinois
Cousin Gwen – Illinois
Cousin DL – Wisconsin

Hubby fixed breakfast, now preparing lunch with plans to pickup takeout dinner after watching his idol Tiger Woods today. Well wishes from loved ones, two-dozen roses from kids and Hubby putting together meals for the entire day – what more could a Mother ask for on this special day?

My Mother’s Day Gift – A Loving Family

May I Suggest?

Definitely plan to incorporate a number of these Happiness Tips into my life, Thanks to “A Simple, Village Undertaker” for sharing.

A Simple, Village Undertaker

This was sent to me yesterday by one of the guys in my men’s group….Thank you, John.

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Fifty-Three Years and Counting

Fifty-three years ago, the odds were against the survival of our marriage. Why?

I was a recent high-school graduate, unemployed, 17-years-old, and pregnant.
He was an 18-years-old, unemployed, high school dropout.

Back then, like it probably still is today, most teen marriages ended in either a permanent separation or divorce.

Though our parents agreed to the marriage, they were disappointed and wondered whether this was a “failure waiting to happen.“ We tuned out the naysayers and doubters.

On April 11, 1960, JT and I exchanged vows at the Cook County Courthouse in Chicago, Illinois. Our mothers were the only guests; and, they definitely were not beaming and handing out congratulatory words. Out of love for their children, they both agreed to show up and sign the papers to authorize our underage marriage.

I did not have the wedding that most young girl’s dream of. It was the extreme opposite. There was:

No Church.
No Music.
No Rings.
No Reception.
No Photos.
No Wedding Dress.

Our one and only wedding gift was a crisp $20.00 bill from my mother.

Married without money or a job, our only available housing option was to live with my parents and occupy the bedroom I had slept in since the age of 12.

Soon recognizing our young age, educational deficiencies, and lack of work experience limited employment opportunities; JT enlisted in the Army. In the military, he could earn his high school diploma and our family would have a guaranteed monthly income and health care coverage.

My young girlfriends as well as many of my relatives’ prophesized and warned us that his volunteering for the Army meant “the end of our marriage.” Prepare yourself, they cautioned, “long separations” oftentimes turn into “permanent separations.” When JT departed for basic training on April 25, 1960 the tears flowed, but I withheld talking to him about my fears of abandonment.

We endured the six-month separation through daily letters, occasional phone calls, and his two short military leaves to visit with me and our new daughter in Chicago.

On December 8, 1960, I truly entered the adult world. Only three week after turning eighteen, I left family and friends to join JT at his new military assignment in Wackenheim, Germany.

His rank as a Private-First-Class, did not meet the eligibility requirements for us to live on the base in military family housing. So, JT secured a one-room efficiency on the third floor of a private home.

As I recall the rent was $20.00 per month. The landlord lived on the first floor and their son, his wife and baby lived on the second floor. They did not understand or speak English.

In the efficiency next to us on the third floor, we shared the bathroom with two young women. They understood a little English, worked nights and slept during most of the day. Later, I learned they were prostitutes who serviced men in the military. Once I overcame my biased and judgmental opinions, I found two very friendly and supportive neighbors. They would come over to check their clothing, makeup and hair in our full-length mirror before heading out for the night. Our Toddler Girl loved to imitate. She would stand in front of the mirror, twirl, pull, and adjust her clothing. Then, pout her lips and attempt to swing her hair. Toddler Girl, now in her early fifties, is embarrassed when we share this childhood memory of her.

In Germany, I was on the fast track to adulthood. I had to manage our money and soon learned how to feed a family of four on an income of about a $140.00 per month. There was always a nourishing meal for the Toddler Girl and the Baby Boy; but there were times when JT and I ate only smothered potatoes and onions for breakfast, dinner and lunch. Both of which were free and readily accessible.

Our landlord was a farmer and these two vegetables were stored year-round in the cellar. Though, they always encouraged us to take whatever we needed; sometimes, I was just too embarrassed to ask. Every now and then, on the pretense of getting coal from the cellar to build a fire in the stove, I would hide a couple of potatoes and onions in the bottom of the bucket. Of course, I now realize the smell of smothered onions and potatoes no doubt spread to lower floors of this small house.

I soon adjusted to my new life as a young wife, with two small children, on a limited income, living in a foreign country. Out of necessity, I also quickly learned to:

build a fire in the coal stove
heat water for bathing and washing clothes
cook meals on a two burner hot plate; and
live without television and rhythm and blues radio stations

The two years, I spent with JT in Germany strengthened our marriage. We both had to grow up and assume the responsibility of making our marriage work as well as parenting two small children. Absent friends, family, and the other American amenities we were forced to depend on each other for friendship, entertainment, conversation, and support. If we disagreed, it didn’t last long. We couldn’t call a friend to complain or run to our parents for comfort. We had to work it out between the two of us.

Those early experiences as a young couple, struggling and relying totally on each other, established the foundation for our strong and long-lasting marriage. Collectively working as a team, we were determined to build a better life for our three children.