Breast Cancer – Page 7 – SeasonedSistah

RETIRED AND LOVING EVERY MOMENT

I retired in 2010. Mind you, it was not a planned retirement. Just the opposite, MY goal was to work until MY mind and MY body deteriorated to a point, which made it impossible to continue working. But things happen.

In 2010, after surviving a life-threatening illness, Hubby and I decided retire and move to Florida. Leaving our:

family owned business that we had nurtured for more than sixteen years;
three children who were also our co-workers;
four grandchildren who spent a lot of time with us; and
extended family and friends that we had known for many years.

Four years later I can honestly say, “there are no regrets”. I entered a whole new world as a retiree. And, traveling through the first four years has been both exciting and enlightening. On this new journey, I made many stops along the way.

I undertook new challenges; and, the old fears of “stepping outside of MY comfort zone” disappeared. The inquisitive mind appeared, which had been latent for far too many years.

This inquisitive mind led ME to:

Yoga Classes
Aqua Zumba
Daily Meditations
Daily Affirmations
Blogging
Facebook
Texting
Container Gardening (flowers, herbs and vegetables)
Journaling
On-line Church Services
Bible Study

These new activities improved the QUALITY OF MY LIFE —spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Most days, serenity and tranquility are present. On those rare days when they take a break, I still express gratitude and thankfulness. For I believe, in every day, there is something that we can be grateful and thankful for.

Since retiring, MY life is filled with peace, joy and happiness. I

welcome every moment,
embrace every moment, and
live every moment.

Awesome Side Effects

In the more than 60+ years of taking medications, I never experienced “side effects.” But, since 2008, I have faced several serious health issues that related to “medication side effects.” I always knew there were side effects to medications. I just never bothered to check. Thinking, the doctor prescribed the medication, so it’s okay.

In a ten-year period, I took four different medications to treat conditions, which later turned into creating new conditions. After the first incident, I should have learned a lesson. Well, I didn’t.

First Incident – Humira

About ten years ago I was prescribed a weekly self-injection of the drug, Humira, to treat MY Rheumatoid Arthritis. The “risks and benefits” expert in the family was Hubby’s 83-year-old aunt. For more years than I can remember, she wouldn’t take a prescribed or over-the-county medication without researching the “risks and benefits”. A long-time RA survivor, I asked her what she thought of this drug. And Auntie said, “There are too many risks.” I listened. But, it didn’t change my mind.

During that time, I made bi-monthly visits, to the hospital for a four-hour infusion of Remicade to treat MY RA. The “benefits” of the weekly at-home injections of Humira versus a four-hour stay at the hospital outweighed, in MY mind, any “risks.”

Five years later, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer which according to the literature and confirmed by both MY then treating oncologist and rheumatologist was due to the “side effects” of Humira.

(Thankful for the Humira medication, which significantly reduced MY pain levels. Living this new life as a Breast Cancer Survivor opened ME up to receiving and expressing Gratitude everyday for the Gift of Life.)

Second Incident – Chemotherapy

Following a lumpectomy, I was scheduled to have 12 weeks of chemotherapy. After eight treatments, I noticed “tingling and burning in both feet.” I brought this to the attention of MY oncologist.

He diagnosed the condition as peripheral neuropathy due to a side effect of chemotherapy and immediately discontinued the treatments. Peripheral neuropathy is a chronic condition that will be a part of MY life for the rest of MY life.

(I move a little slower on feet that are continuously burning, stabbing, or freezing. But, I am so appreciative for I am still able to walk. Grateful.)

Third Incident – Orencia

For two years, after the Humira was discontinued, I relied on prednisone, plaquenil and weekly injections of methroxate to treat MY rheumatoid arthritis. MY rheumatologist and oncologist researched different medications looking for one to adequately treat MY RA condition without putting ME at “risk” for a cancer recurrence. They both felt Orencia was the answer.

In late January 2010, I had the first infusion of Orencia at MY rheumatologist’s office. The second one never happened. One week later, I was hospitalized with a life-threatening case of epiglottitis. The pulmonologist who treated ME at the hospital and MY rheumatologist agreed this newly diagnosed condition was due to a side effect of Orencia.

I left the hospital with a multitude of new diagnoses: asthma, bronchitis, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), sleep apnea, hypersensitive airways, swallowing difficulties, vocal problems, and allergies. All of these conditions are chronic and will remain with ME for the rest of MY life.

(Following such a serious and life-threatening illness, I still breathe. Thankful for God’s Grace and Mercy.)

Fourth Incident – Methotrexate

Since the Orencia was no longer an option, the prescribed medications to treat MY rheumatoid arthritis are plaquenil, prednisone, and methotrexate.

I spent seven days in the hospital in late November, including Thanksgiving Day. I was being treated for bronchitis. Because bronchitis and other upper respiratory problems had been a recurring problem since 2010, the pulmonologist performed a bronchosphy. The results showed scarring on the lungs. This newly diagnosed condition was related to a “side effect” of methotrexate. The medication was discontinued.

(Grateful for the many years, I was able to use methotrexate to reduce further joint degeneration associated with MY rheumatoid arthritis.)

Closing

With each “new side effect”, I faced a “new challenge.” And, I am grateful for each of those new challenges for I was re-directed down a new path, which re-created a better ME.

So inspired to live life to its fullest, I gladly embrace MY latest “side effect”, the “Side Effects of Kindness”. It’s AWESOME.

Pain, Pain Go Away – Come Again Another Day

Introduction

For more than fourteen years, I believed MY Pain had “Gone Away”. But, in December 2013, the Pain decided to “Come Again Another Day”. And, I started to experience both intermittent and continuous pain daily and nightly. The levels ranged from “five” to “ten” on the “standardized pain management scale.”

Why the Pain Came Back

This “pain flare-up” occurred when I quit taking the injectable drug, Methotrexate, to treat MY Rheumatoid Arthritis. I injected the first dose in 1997 and once a week thereafter until it was discontinued in December 2013.

Toward the end of November 2013, I was hospitalized for treatment of bronchitis. The pulmonologist performed a bronchoscopy procedure while I was in the hospital. Several weeks after being released from the hospital, I followed up with the pulmonologist; and, he shared the results of the bronchoscopy procedure. It showed scarring on MY lungs. Prior to MY follow-up visit, the pulmonologist spoke with MY rheumatologist . Both agreed, this newly diagnosed lung condition was due to the side effects of Methotrexate I was told to immediately discontinue the medication. They offered no options for alternative treatments.

When the Pain Came Back

Shortly after discontinuing the medication, the years of living virtually pain-free ended. I was in pain. I mean really, really severe pain. I first went to see MY rheumatologist and followed up with a visit to MY primary care physician.

The rheumatologist increased my prednisone prescription from 5 to 7-½mg. Several weeks passed with no pain relief; so, he increased the prednisone from 7-½ to10 mg. Still there was no pain relief. Finally, the rheumatologist prescribed Leflunomide, 20mg. But, he cautioned it could take at least four weeks before I saw any improvements. Could I live with this unbearable pain for four weeks? No!!!! I had to look elsewhere.

So, I went to see MY primary care physician for advice and to, specifically ask, if it was okay to take Vicodan. I had eleven pills left from the thirty prescribed in February 2010; when I was discharged from the hospital after an extended stay for the treatment of epiglottitis. He responded in a very patronizing voice, “stay away from pain medications they are not good for you.”

I couldn’t believe he said that!!! Had he bothered to look at MY past medical records? If he had taken the time, he would have noted that during MY more than 20 years as a chronic pain patient (other than the 2010 hospitalization); I never received a prescription for an opioid/narcotic medication When he offered no alternatives for dealing with the pain, I knew it was time to step outside the box.

The Pain Goes Away

I reached out to MY pain management doctor in Wisconsin. She is fellowship-trained in pain management as well as board certified in both anesthesia and pain management. I have been under her care for more than seventeen years. I schedule follow-up visits at least 2-3 times a year when I return to Wisconsin. Under her care, I had managed MY chronic pain without opioid medication and invasive procedures for more than seventeen years. Through a multidisciplinary approach, working together, we developed a comprehensive, individualized treatment plan focusing on: medication management, physical therapy, nutrition/diet, psychological counseling, and a variety of self management tools (exercise, mindfulness, diet/nutrition, sleeping habits, music, relaxation, distractions, etc).

On Tuesday, I telephoned her. She listened to ME. She empathized with ME. She responded to MY needs. She prescribed a non-narcotic pain medication to help ME.

I started taking it on Wednesday. Today, Sunday, as I write this post; I am virtually pain-free. I am able to:

prepare meals,
perform housekeeping chores,
exercise at the YMCA
shop for groceries and flowers to plant, and
water and tidy up around our container flower garden.

Come Again Another Day

Since there is no known cure for chronic pain, I am certain it will return. In the meantime, I will search for two new doctors in Florida. Doctors who, I believe, have the capacity to understand and respond to the unique needs of a chronic pain patient.

“Few things a doctor does are more important than relieving pain… pain is soul destroying. No patient should have to endure intense pain unnecessarily. The quality of mercy is essential to the practice of medicine; here, of all places, it should not be strained.” (Marcia Angell)

Who Am I?

My response to Who Am I before embarking on a new journey to find ME would have been I AM a:

Wife

Mother

Grandmother

Friend to…

Relative of …

In this Season of Life, I made the choice to look beyond attachment to anyone other than ME to define ME.

On my new journey, I want to discover how to love and embrace ME.

With each step along the way, I will read, learn and try new and different things in search of ME.

Shortly after beginning MY journey, I discovered the stillness of meditation, I Am Grateful for this Gift that allows ME to

live in the present moment;
let go of the past; and
trust in God’s plan for the future.

By living, letting go, and trusting, I Am Empowered to search for the Authentic ME.

Now, if asked Who Am I, the answer is “I Am My Deepest Desire and the Possibilities are Unlimited.”

Today: Pain and Happiness

I woke up this morning in pain. It’s been a long-time since I experienced the long lasting, penetrating, stabbing and burning pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis. But, I was determined to stick with my “routine” – 5:00 a.m. morning meditation, inspirational/spiritual reading, and quiet time. While this was spiritually and inspirationally uplifting, the pain remained.

So, I returned to the bedroom, looked at the unmade bed, and crawled under the covers. This lasted for no more than five minutes; I hopped out, made the bed, and said “not going to let this happen.” I began thinking back to those days when I allowed pain to control my life. The many days of lying in bed, the darkened room, the heating pads/ice packs and receiving no relief from the prescribed medications. These memories were enough to get ME up and moving for breakfast. Even though the pain was more severe with walking, arm movements, sitting down, and getting up, I joined Hubby at the table.

After breakfast, Hubby encouraged me to at least lie back on the recliner chair in our bedroom. Within five minutes, I was asleep. One hour later, I woke up. The pain was still there, but bearable. Bearable pain, for me, is doable pain. I can function.

Dressed in outdoor work clothes, I began the long-delayed job of cleaning out our container flower garden area around the pool. The pruning, cutting, and bending, though far from pain-free, distracted ME from focusing on the pain. When finished, I immediately cleaned up the area, stood back and admired MY work.

Following lunch, I was geared up to complete the remainder of the job; but Hubby said, “let it wait until tomorrow.” I took his advice.

I am thankful for a Hubby who reminds ME to stop, rest, and pace as I carry out these many different projects that I proclaim will make ME happy.

I learned today it is not necessary to “finish” a “happiness” project. There are times when happiness will come from just “doing” the project.

The movement today as I gardened brought pain relief. The distraction of gardening brought ME pain relief. Just the “doing” of gardening brought ME happiness.

Fibro Treatment: Pending

Last Monday, a visit to MY Primary Care Physician left ME feeling frustrated and concerned. Why? When I requested a new Rheumatology referral, he responded,

“If You Find A New Rheumatologist, Do Not Mention You Have Fibromyalgia.”

I was Silenced. What’s a polite way to say, “Doctor, I need a Rheumatologist who wants to treat Fibromyalgia”?

Satisfied with the current Rheumatologist’s treatment for MY Rheumatoid Arthritis; but, I was disappointed with his failure to address MY Fibromyalgia. Even though, I mentioned this on more than one occasion.

I left the Primary Care Physician’s office, without a new referral, unsure of what to do next.

Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia more than sixteen years ago, I was able to get access to quality health care when I lived in Wisconsin. I was blessed with empathetic, compassionate and highly trained health care providers — PCP, Pain Specialist, Rheumatologist, Psychologist, and Physical Therapists. They respected, validated and treated Fibromyalgia. Though I continued to rely on these health providers for more than three years after retiring in Florida, this is no longer practical.

When I reached out for treatment in Florida; two of physicians sent different messages: (1) Ignore the Condition and (2) Hide the Condition.

Are there health care providers who think Fibromyalgia is a “wastebasket syndrome?” Is it possible that they still Believe the Myths and Disregard the Facts as reported on:

www.fibrocenter.co

Myth: Fibromyalgia is rare.

Fact: Fibromyalgia is one of the most common types of chronic pain disorders. More than 5 million people in the United States have fibromyalgia.

Myth: Doctors diagnose fibromyalgia when they can’t find a “real” diagnosis.

Fact: Fibromyalgia is very much a real condition. In 1990, the American College of Rheumatology developed guidelines for diagnosing fibromyalgia. Today, these guidelines are widely applied. Today there are more than 4,000 published fibromyalgia studies.

Myth: Fibromyalgia is a “woman’s disease.”

Fact: The majority of people with fibromyalgia are women (about 80%). But, remember that fibromyalgia is a common condition. That means many men are diagnosed as well.

Myth: The pain of fibromyalgia is mild.

Fact: Some people only experience mild symptoms, especially when they are being properly treated. For others, the pain can be severe. It can have a significant impact on quality of life.

www.sharecare.com

MYTH: Your Fibro Symptoms Are All in Your Head 

FACT: Fibromyalgia is a real medical condition, which includes specific medical criteria for diagnosis.

MYTH: Only Lazy, Inactive People Get Fibromyalgia 

Fact: Researchers actually suspect that many people who develop fibromyalgia are driven people, and that the stress of that drive may play a role in wearing away a person’s defenses against fibro symptoms.

MYTH: There Are No Effective Fibro Treatments 

Fact: Here’s the good news. As more and more research is being done on fibromyalgia, we’re learning more about it. And that’s helping doctors pinpoint better, more effective fibro treatments. The catch is that what works for one person may not work for another, so you need to work closely with a doctor to refine and modify your fibromyalgia treatment.

The denial of health care for Fibromyalgia is probably not covered under existing anti-discrimination laws. Yet, I felt discriminated against. The same feelings of “unworthiness”, “loss of self esteem”, “powerlessness” and “helplessness”, that I experienced when faced with discriminatory practices in the past because of MY race, age, sex, and/or disability.

Yes, I definitely need health care for both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Over MY 70+ years, I have learned to pick my battles. Therefore, I decided to focus on the RA treatment. Exacerbated pain levels and joint degeneration leaves ME little choice. For now, I will not “burn bridges” and/or “voice opposition” because of inaccessible health care for Fibro. But, I will re-visit this issue at a later date. Not sure how, but MY voice shall be heard.

MY Choice – Online Church

Six months ago, I made the choice to visit an on-line church service. Nowadays, Sunday mornings from 8:30 to 10:30 a.m., I am in front of the computer.

What Critics Say

To find out, I did a Google Search. I found critics, both pastors and parishioners, who felt there were major missing elements within the on-line churches. For example,

Corporate worship, praying and studying the bible together.
Serving one another and reaching out in mission together.
Encouraging each other through personal face-to-face interactions.
Taking Communion.
God needing your physical presence in the church.

Why I Made the Choice

Hubby and I retired and relocated to Florida four years ago; and, we spent the first three years visiting church after church looking for the right one to call our home. Unsuccessful, I decided to accept a cousin’s invitation to visit her church service online in Chicago. I had two options to worship:

On-Demand Recording at my convenience; or
Live Video Streaming during the actual church service.

Because, I wanted to hold on to the tradition of attending church on Sunday mornings, I chose the Live Video Streaming option.

After the first visit, I knew this was the church for ME.

First, the biblical teachings, mission, and focus on social justice mirrored MY former church. I wanted to keep worshipping within the “comfort zone” I had grown accustomed to. And, these two churches embraced MY religious needs as a Black Christian seeking a positive spiritual, ethnic, and cultural experience within a church environment.

Second, the weekly Live Video Streaming church services connects ME with family members who attend this church. The opportunity to build a stronger religious relationship, though we are separated by thousands of miles, has improved the quality of my life. On any given Sunday it is possible to briefly connect with:

Cousin G, a Deacon in the church, singing in the Men’s Choir.
Cousin S’s young granddaughter, member, Children’s Praise Dance Team.
Cousin S, an Ordained Minister and long-time church member.
Cousin-In-Law D, a Deacon in the church, sitting in his designated pew.

Oftentimes, I will text, telephone, or e-mail Cousin S about a service.

Initially I had serious reservations about worshipping at an on-line church:

Self-Doubt made me ask, “How will others view this decision?”
Self-Awareness stepped in saying, “Who cares, it’s your choice.”
Self-Empowerment gave ME the courage to accept, acknowledge, and embrace MY choice.

Though HUBBY supports MY decision, HE has yet to join ME for an on-line church service. I’m just waiting. After all, we have been partnering as a married couple for almost fifty-four years. He’ll come around.

My Journey: Building Self-Awareness and Living Non-Judgmentally

“It is not our purpose to become each other;

it is to recognize each other, to learn

to see the other and honor him for what he is.” (Herman Hesse)

For the first time, I “recognized,” “learned to see the other, and “honored” my neighbor for “what she is.” She was the first neighbor to come over and welcome us to the neighborhood when we moved in three years ago. Within a year, she had her first cancer recurrence. As she went through chemotherapy, Hubby and I, along with other neighbors drove her to treatment.

Recognized

Until our long conversation over breakfast several days ago, I only recognized my neighbor as a:

Sister Breast Cancer Survivor;
Religious Person – Interdenominational Religion that promotes evangelism;
Single Female, Never Married, with No Children; and
Far Right Conservative Republican – Follower of Fox TV, Glen Beck, Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, etc.

Politically, as far right as she is; I am as far to the left —

Religious Person – Protestant Christian Denomination with liberal views on social issues, social justice and equality; and
Far Left Progressive Democrat – Follower of Al Sharpton, Ed Schultz, Chris Matthews, with the exception of Morning Joe, all the other MSNBC news shows.

It wasn’t long before we both realized that talking about politics and/or social issues were toxic to our “friendly neighbor” relationship. We avoid these topics, but we still:

schedule occasional lunch dates and other outings;
attend church services together from time-to-time; and
watch each other’s homes and act as designated emergency contacts.

For more than three years, we have been just “friendly neighbors.”

On Saturday, I invited her to breakfast to celebrate my Six-Year Cancerversary. I really wanted to celebrate with another survivor. Before, I could tell her the reason for the invite, she said the dreaded words, “cancer recurrence.” After hearing this, I deleted Cancerversary as a discussion topic. I sat quietly and listened.

Learned to See the Other

I truly listened. I opened my heart. I looked beyond differences.

I did not challenge her decision to forego any further chemotherapy. She wants to take whatever time that remains to travel and visit old friends. This meant tapping into her 401K, but at 60-years-old she believes “death will arrive before retirement.” Also, after meeting with her Financial Planner, she feels comfortable in drawing down some retirement funds for travel.

Her first stop is Scotland in 45 days. I enjoyed listening to her stories about when she lived and worked there — the culture, her friends, her work, and the food.

Within 30 days after returning from Scotland, her plan is to visit a close friend in Hungary. Again, I could have spent hours hearing about the young college students she worked with from all over the world. She is excited about reuniting with the young man she had mentored while living there.

She is from Massachusetts and we talked at length about the annual vacations with my daughters to Martha Vineyard. Though she lived in Massachusetts for a number of years, she never visited the Island. But, she definitely said a visit is in her future.

She talked at length about the close relationship with her mother. After the death of her father, she gave up world travel, accepted a position in her home office and joined her mother in Florida. She cared for her mother who died six years ago from Breast Cancer. And, shortly after that she was diagnosed. I talked about what it meant to care for my mother the last two years of her life.

After talking with my neighbor yesterday, I no longer “focused on our differences.” I listened. I opened my heart. I “learned” our “similarities” outweigh our “differences.”

Honor

I honor my friend, a Breast Cancer Survivor, for her strength and courage. She is choosing to follow “her path” on “her journey” to live life to the fullest.

I am grateful our paths intersected and our relationship blossomed from “friendly neighbor” to “friends.”

We both want a “healthy friends” relationship, and have agreed to read, “Conscious Communication: How to Establish Healthy Relationships and Resolve Conflict Peacefully while Maintaining Independence,” by Miles Sherts. As stated in the book’s introduction, we want to:

“learn to communicate with each other in a way

that supports our individuality while also

recognizing our interdependence.”

“Healthy friends” ought to have discussions on politics, religion, social issues, etc., and still respectfully disagree without being disagreeable.

I am on a journey to build self-awareness and live non-judgmentally.

Grateful for My Breast Cancer Mentor

I will never forget February 8, 2008. The date of my breast cancer diagnosis. I immediately went back to 1988. Remembering, the eight weeks I was a caregiver to my sister-in-law who had breast cancer and died quietly in our spare bedroom. Caring for her was a gratifying experience, but it was painful and heartbreaking to watch a loved one slowly departing this life. On February 8, 2008, I saw myself going down the same path.

But several days after the diagnosis this wonderful woman, who is a breast cancer survivor, entered my life. She was the founder and president of a newly formed organization, Sisters Network, Inc., – Milwaukee Affiliate. An organization dedicated to providing supportive, educational, and advocacy outreach services to increase breast cancer awareness for African-American women in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and surrounding areas.

At the time, she was employed as a full-time nursing instructor and simultaneously implementing this new and innovative non-profit organization. Yet, she found the time to lend individual support to a newly diagnosed breast cancer patient.

My Breast Cancer Mentor was there or within reach as I went through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation. Utilizing the information and tips she provided, I navigated through the treatments with little or no distress.

For the past five plus years, I have watched my Breast Cancer Mentor build a strong organization. One that is well respected throughout the city and surrounding areas known for providing survivors, caregivers, and others with a broad range of programs, events, and activities designed to increase breast cancer awareness.

Because of the long-relationship with my Breast Cancer Mentor and the other survivors at Sisters Network, Inc., I have been able to make the transition from:

being a Victim – I lived in fear of the “unknown.” Always seeking an answer to the question, “breast cancer, Why Me?”

to living as a Warrior – I will not let breast cancer define who I am. I live in the present moment expressing and demonstrating gratitude, daily, for the wonderful Gift of Life.

As my Cancerversary date grows closer, I wanted to honor and express heartfelt love and appreciation to my Breast Cancer Mentor, she continues to:

inspire me to look beyond my condition;
uplift me spiritually (a praying woman)’
educate me on the positive benefits of mindfulness, wellness, and spirituality.

Thank you, Phyllis Holder, for all you have done, all you continue to do, and all I know you will continue to do in your untiring effort to promote breast cancer awareness for the under diagnosed and undertreated population in the Milwaukee community.

My Mentor – Cancer Retreat

Cancer Help Program-The New School of Commonweal

My Mentor – Top Row and Center

NAACP Young Professionals Adult – Fundraiser: A Tribute to Services Provided by Sisters Network to the Community

Happy One-Year Blogging Anniversary to ME

This past year, beginning with writing the first post for this blog, I started down the path of a life-changing journey. In search of peace, love, and happiness” I stepped out of my comfort zone to look for ME.

As I walked this path, I paused along the way to

Publish a Weekly Blog Post
Socialize on Facebook
Practice Yoga
Attend Aqua Zumba Classes
Transition from Windows PC to Apple Mac Software
Meditate Daily
Express Gratitude
Pray and Praise God
Make Positive Affirmations
Perform Random Acts of Kindness

In 2014, I want to continue to release the “unnecessary burdens” of

Negativity
Fear
Self-Judgment
Anger
Low Self-Esteem
Gossip

These things block ME from being the person God created.

In this second year of blogging, I will write about MY continued journey to create a peaceful, loving, and happy life through:

Self-Awareness – “As you become more clear about who you really are you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” (Oprah Winfrey)
Self-Care – “Our bodies are our gardens to which our wills are gardeners.” (William Shakespeare)
Self-Acceptance – “You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. The only person who can pull me down I, myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” (C. JoyBell)

I am a work-in-progress. I grow stronger and wiser each day. I no longer regret what happened in the past or fear what may happen in the future; Moment-by-Moment, I choose to live in the Present. For, this is the only timeframe within MY control.