Family – Page 4 – SeasonedSistah

Gratitude Sunday – October 19, 2014

Grateful for Photos: College Memories

Several week ago, my friend, The Librarian, sent photos of several of my most remembered buildings and places at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where I spent my days, 1969-73, as student.

Today, I am grateful to The Librarian for sharing these photos, not only for the past memories, but for opening up my space to write, “Past Memories: College Days;”, which, I will post on Monday, October 20.

Each of these photos bring back different memories.

The Red Gym. Every semester, I waited hour-after-hour standing in long lines with thousands of other students to register for my new semester classes.

Bascom Hall. This is the buildings where I took a number of my classes. I remember, many times, walking from the Red Gym up the hill to Bascom Hall only to learn the class I registered for was no longer available. This required trekking back down to the Red Gym to find another. Then, backup to Bascom Hall to confirm the class. The walk up to Bascom Hall, which was located on top of the highest hills on campus, was a workout. Today, I am Thankful for the daily uphill walks to Bascom Hall, which caused me to give up smoking. I couldn’t handle both.

Old University Hospital. Fortunately, we were young and healthy, so routine family physical exams were the only times that I had to enter this building. There is a new hospital on campus now; and this building now houses the UW Medical School. But, even though I didn’t know it had the time, the building will always hold a special memory for me. Our eldest daughter, a 9-year-old when we enrolled as freshmen students, attended classes in this building and graduated with her medical degree in 1985.

The Ratskellar. This is where the students gathered to socialize and grab a meal. We spent our rare Family Date Nights there. Hubby and I with a tap beer and the kids enjoying the best ice cream I have ever tasted. Oh, and I can’t forget the free bowls of popcorn which continuously popped throughout the evening. There were other times, after an evening class or hours spent studying at the Library, Hubby and I would end the night with tap beer and popcorn. I just recalled that the first time that I drank beer from the tap was at the Ratskeller.

Eagle Heights. This was the married student housing on campus. We lived there for four years. The housing was restricted to graduate students and their families. How we ended up there. Hubby, being unaware of this restriction, applied for housing. He used our student advisor’s name as a reference, which unbeknownst to us, also was the name of the Chair of the Business School. We later learned that Graduate Business School students received preferential treatment. Why, I am not certain. The good news is that when they finally discovered their mistake, we were never asked to move. Looking back, I can see how the mistake was made. We didn’t, meet the freshman student profile — 18-year-old and single. Instead our family met the profile of a graduate student — late twenties with three children.

Again, so grateful to The Librarian for taking the time to shoot these photos and share them with me.

Finally, Expressing gratitude is healthy for my mind, body, and spirit.

Why I Choose to Live Beyond 75

One day last week, I had to stop, listen and process an interview on one of the cable news stations.

I was shocked!! Why, was Dr. Ezekiel J. Emanuel saying he wanted to die at 75?

It was unbelievable. And I asked Hubby, “was that the same Dr. Emanuel who shows up on so many national news programs speaking as an expert on health related issues, especially, the Affordable Health Care Act.” He said, “yes, but didn’t recall the details.”

Because we both missed most of the interview, I wanted to learn more. So, I went to my IPad and googled, “why I want to die at 75 Ezekiel Emanuel.” My friend, Google, found a lengthy article featured in the September 2014 issue of The Atlantic written by Dr. Emanuel.

Why I Want To Die at 75: Ezekiel J. Emanuel, M.D.

“I am sure of my position. Doubtless, death is a loss. It deprives us of experiences and milestones, of time spent with our spouse and children. In short, it deprives us of all the things we value.

But, here is a simple truth that many of us seem to resist: living too long is also a loss. It renders many of us, if not disabled, then faltering and declining, a state that may not be worse than death but is nonetheless deprived. It robs us of our creativity and ability to contribute to work, society, the world. It transforms how people experience us, and most important, remember us. We are no longer remembered as vibrant and engaged but as feeble, ineffectual, even pathetic.”

Dr. Emanuel is a healthy 57-year-old and does not plan to end his life at 75 either by assisted-suicide or euthanasia. But, he does say, “At 75 and beyond, I will need a good reason to even visit the doctor and take any medical test or treatment, no matter how routine and painless. And that good reason is not — ‘it will prolong your life.'”

He also contends that in America we are so focused on doing things “like exercise, strict dieting, popping vitamins, etc., in an effort to cheat death and prolong life as long as possible. This has become so pervasive that it now defines a culture type – what I call the American Immortal.”

Why I Choose to Live Beyond 75

Dr. Emanuel says he only wants to live until the age of 75; and, I respect his right to make this choice. But, two years from now, if I reach the age of 75, I will continue to make healthy lifestyle choices. These choices will be made not to prolong life, but to live life to the fullest.

While physical ailments, dementia, feebleness, memory, problem solving and other health conditions, relating to the aging process, may occur; I believe, forecasting what may happen in my future, inhibits my ability to live authentically in the present moment.

Today, I am a relatively healthy, 72-year-old with several manageable chronic illnesses. In 2008, at the age of 66, I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. Dr. Emanuel contends if he were diagnosed with cancer, after the age of 60, he would refuse treatment. Again, I respect his right to make that decision. But, I chose treatment.

And, over the past six years, I have been gifted with being in the present moment when my:

eldest grandson graduated from college
eldest granddaughter graduated from high school;
eldest grandson graduated from high school;
youngest grandson, graduated from middle school; and,
youngest granddaughter’s birth seven months after my 2008 breast cancer diagnosis.

Had I elected not to pursue treatment, I possibly would not have lived to see these major family milestones.

Additionally, beyond family milestones, I would have never witnessed the election of America’s first African-American President. Something that I never expected would happen in my lifetime.

So, if I continue to be blessed with sound mind and body, I plan on being an active participant in managing my aging process beyond age 75.

And, I will not:

wait for death;
refuse medical treatment; or
accept that living a quality life ends at 75.

But, in addition to as-needed medical care, I will continue to manage my aging process by:

Being Positive
Practicing Forgiveness
Staying Physical
Embracing Family and Friends
Loving Me
Performing Random Acts of Kinds
Living A Spiritual Life
Trying New Things
Exploring New Places
Blogging About My Memories, Life Experiences and Random Thoughts

Rather than attempting to “cheat or prolong life” I choose to live life to the fullest until God guides me down a different path.

Tenney Park: Sad and Happy Memories

The Photos

A long-time friend, sent me an e-mail with the attached photo:

She took the photo early one morning, on her long, long walk to her job at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Getting to work is not the only reason for her early morning walks. She also uses this time to meditate and felt this might be an option for me. Something to consider. But, for now, I plan to sit on the lanai at 5:00 a.m. with the fans swirling overhead, to meditate until the weather cools down in Florida.

Let me move from walking and meditating to the photo. Having lived in Madison for more than thirty-five years, I emailed and asked, “What Lake — Monona or Mendota?”

She didn’t answer, but sent the following photos. Then, I knew the answer – Lake Mendota.

Summers 1970 – 1973

I remember, the summer afternoons, spent with our three children, in this park and on that beach. It was many, many years ago; and, I have Sad and Happy Memories

Hubby and I were both full-time students at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. We were living, I am certain, below the poverty level for a family of five (GI Bill, student loans/grants, and Hubby’s part-time jobs).

Sad Memories:

Mentally, I allowed worrisome and non-productive thoughts to enter my space; and this disengaged me from spending quality time with my family. Unanswerable questions controlled my thoughts. Like, WHAT IF —

We made a mistake by returning to college at our age?
We can’t find a job after graduation?
Hubby can’t find another part-time job when this one ends?
We can’t pay back the student loans?

Sadly, my WHAT IF questions were continuous and endless. And, regretfully, I was not able to enjoy and embrace what was happening in the present moment during this period of my life.

Happy Memories

Even though I was not always in the present moment during these summer days, I know our children enjoyed the time we spent at Tenney Park.

Regardless of the WHAT IFs, I have many Happy Memories of those sunny afternoons, sitting quietly, and watching our Happy children — wading in the lake, creating in the sand, and playing in the park.

Hubby joined us for dinner at the end of his work day. Tenney Park was our evening dining place during the summer. And, we had some of our best times and meals there. Most days, I cooked something on our portable grill. And, occasionally we had enough money to treat the kids with pizza or burgers from a fast food restaurant.

Happy, that today, I am learning to:

Let go of the past;
Live in the present moment; and
Accept what may happen in the future.

***********

Postscript – Thank You to Two Special Friends

The Librarian, for the photos in this post.

Cupcake, for the photos taken in an earlier post, “July Vacation Days: Happiness in the Presence of Children.” (Special Note: We share a beautiful granddaughter, Little Cupcake.)

Gratitude Sunday – September 7, 2014

For almost five years, I have lived 2000 miles away from my children and grandchildren. While I love spending this season of my life in Florida with Hubby, I miss the times our family came together to support one another.

Yesterday was one of those times. It was the first soccer game of the season for our youngest granddaughter, Cupcake.

I am grateful to her cousin, CJ, our family’s “soccer superstar,” and the other family members who came out to support Cupcake.

Also, I am grateful to my son (Cupcake’s father) and youngest daughter (CJs mother) for the photos and their blow-by-blow report on the game. Cupcake scored a goal, WHOOPEE!!

Gratitude Sunday – August 31, 2014

My First Rocking Chair

Today, I am grateful for gifting me — my first rocking chair.

I visited my grandparents, as a child, every summer in Mississippi. On their front porch, sat four rocking chairs. One, reserved for my Grandfather; and, the other three were on a first come-first rock basis. I liked to read and listen to the sounds made by the rocker as I rocked on the wooden floor.

Love of the rocking chair resurfaced in my mid-fifties. While I didn’t buy a rocking chair, I couldn’t bypass a rocking chair at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant, furniture store, or an airport without sitting down and enjoying a rock or two.

For the past five years, I enjoyed rocking for seven straight days in rocking chairs on the front porch of the house we rent for our Mother-Daughter Vacations in Martha Vineyards

Eldest Daughter in Rocking Chair at Martha’s Vineyard

There are only two rocking chairs on the front porch in Martha’s Vineyard. Both daughters enjoy the rocking chairs, but when I am present — one rocking chair is for Mama. Like, my grandfather, I appreciate my rocking chair privilege. I view it as one of the many gifts of love from my daughters.

After returning from vacation this year, I didn’t want to wait another year to rock in the chairs at the rental house in Martha’s Vineyard or the rocking chairs at the Boston Airport.

Also, I didn’t want to rely on random rocks in public places for the next year. So, I gifted ME a rocking chair for reading and relaxing throughout the year.

Since I was not able to find a rocking chair locally to coordinate with the furniture on our lanai, I ordered one through the internet. It’s perfect. All I need to find is a seat cushion.

I can’t close this post without expressing gratitude to Hubby for assembling my rocking chair. (Side Note — Maybe, after reading this, he will assemble my new potting table delivered this past week and is still boxed up in the foyer.)

Most of all, I am grateful to God for his unconditional love, which has opened my life up to experiencing self-love.

Gratitude Sunday, August 3: Mother and Daughters

“Mothers and Daughters are Closest, when Daughters Become Mothers”

I am grateful this Sunday to begin the week in the presence of my two daughters as we begin our Fifth Annual Mother-Daughter Vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.

Rental House, Martha’s Vineyard, Oak Bluff, Mass.

Especially, grateful for the gift of these precious moments with my daughters to:

Reminisce about our past;
Discuss our moments in the present; and
Share our dreams for the future.

The Traveling Swing Play Set

In 1998, the eldest daughter purchased and had this swing play set erected in her backyard. I said, “Oh, this is great for the grands. Little did I know how much happiness and joy this swing play set would open my life up to.

Location #1

During the summer months, the swing play set area was where I spent quality one-on-one time with my grandchildren.

Their play set activities quickly expanded beyond swinging, climbing, and sliding.

And the creative, spontaneous and impromptu activities took over. I began to wonder whether, “Did my children lack imagination as kids? Or, are these grandkids little creative geniuses?”

The two partially closed-off areas of the play set was their stage; and, they gifted me with self-directed, memorable, and creative performances in many:

Talent Shows
Dance Contests
Musicals
Plays

Eventually, the older two grandchildren lost interest. And the swing play set stayed childless in the eldest daughter’s backyard for several years.

Location #2

The eldest daughter decided to gift the swing play set to her sister; and, it moved to a new backyard.

Happy summer days again, sitting in youngest daughter’s backyard sharing new swing play set experiences with my youngest grandson, CJ. This neighborhood was more child friendly and the swing play set was a magnet to attract other boys in CJs age range.

They competed; and, I acted as the judge to select the:

Highest Swinger
Strongest Monkey Bar Hanger
Best Backward Slider

Now, a 14-year-old, CJ backyard activities revolve around soccer and basketball. So, several weeks ago, youngest daughter gifted the swing play set to her brother.

Location #3

The play set is now in the backyard of the home we own in Wisconsin. After we retired and relocated to Florida, our son moved into the house with his five-year-old daughter.

Though, I will not spend the same amount of time with Cupcake, as she explores and discovers different swing play set activities; I will patiently wait until next summer to have this special experience with her.

Why the Traveling Swing Play Set Is Important

This swing set has been a part of my life for more than sixteen years; and, I am happy that it now sits in the backyard of our Wisconsin home for our youngest granddaughter.

Ultimately, Cupcake will outgrow the swing play set, When this happens, I hope it moves to a new place, that will bring happiness and joy to other children and their families

I am grateful to my four grandchildren for my past, present and future memories of spending time with them on The Traveling Swing Play Set.

Writing 101, Day Nineteen: Don’t Stop The Rockin

“Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop No self-editing, no trash-talking and no second guessing: just go.”

Fond Memories: Chicago’s South Side

Following the July 4th weekend, the news out of Chicago reported over 60 shootings, leaving sixteen dead, including a 60-year-old woman walking up the stairs to enter her home.

Most of this gun violence is coming out of the South Side of Chicago. I grew up on the South Side in the 1950s. There were gangs but they fought with their fist, with a rare, rare shooting or knifing targeted at a rival gang member.

Unlike today, where the gun violence in Chicago is rampant, the neighborhood I grew up in was a safe haven for the people who lived there.

Summer Memories

I have fond memories of my childhood on the South Side of Chicago.

In the summer months, days were filled with outdoor games that kept us children involved in some type of activity from morning til night. Some of my favorites were:

Hopscotch
Double Dutch Rope
Red Light/Green Light
Hide and Seek
Little Sally Walker
Lightning Bug Searches

We slowed down around 8:00 pm and would sit talking on one of our front porches until our parents called us in.

Best Girlfriend

I was three years older than my best girlfriend, Jackie. For some reason, the difference in our age was never a reason. We were in and out of each other’s homes daily. I was an only child. But, Jackie had seven sisters and two brothers.

On Fridays I always managed to end up at Jackie’s house for dinner. Each week, the menu was either Spaghetti and Meatballs, Hamburger and French Fries, or Chili-Mac.

In retrospect, the last thing this large family of eleven needed was another mouth to feed.

Jackie and I remained close until I left the neighborhood to enter a new phase of life as an army wife.

63rd & Halsted

I lived about three blocks from 63rd and Halsted — the major shopping area for the South Side of Chicago. There were large retail stores like Sears, Goldblatt’s and Wieboldt’s. Smaller clothing and shoe stores — both high-end and budget. The two places, I liked to browse were Kreske’s Five and Dime and Grants where I could always find something to buy with my small weekly allowance.

My Last Visit

Under the Chicago Urban Renewal Program, my old neighborhood was demolished back in the late 1960s. My last visit was probably around 1975. Driving through, I felt disconnected because what I remembered was no longer there.

My Wish

I wish the families now living in my old neighborhood are blessed with a new Chicago Urban Renewal Program that will address the issues they face on a daily basis — poverty, inadequate housing, inferior education, crime, and gun violence.

Writing 101, Day Two: A Room With a View

Whoopee!!! I just received notification that I can take advantage of an instant transport to wherever I want to go. I selected my favorite vacation spot, an island on the East Coast, surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean, and accessible only by air or ferry.

While this instant transport is faster, I requested a drop-off at the Ferry. For the ferry ride is the high point of my dream vacation.

Even though it is only a 15-20 minute ride, it’s the Atlantic Ocean.

And, so what if the ferry is old, dingy, and lacks the luxuries of a cruise ship, it’s the Atlantic Ocean and I am cruising.

What’s I like about the ferry ride is:

looking up at the bright sky filled with fluffy white clouds,
sitting on the deck with a soft gentle breeze lightly touching my skin,
viewing the vast blue ocean, and
communing quietly in the present moment.

So excited, I am going to my paradise, an island overflowing with:

Happy Vacationers
Friendly Residents
Mom and Pop Businesses
Brightly Painted Victorian Homes
Quaint Bed and Breakfast Dwellings
Cobblestone Streets
Fresh, Fresh Seafood
Beautiful Beaches

Yes, I am going to a serene and tranquil place reminiscent of the days before the large chain-like:

Hotels – Sheraton, Best Western, LaQuinta
Restaurants – McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Pizza Hut
Box Stores – Sam’s, Home Depot, Ikea
Drug Stores – Walgreen’s, CVS
Gas Stations – 7-Eleven, Wawa, BP
Department Stores – WalMart, Target, Macy’s
Supermarkets – Winn Dixie, Krogers, Whole Foods

Looking forward to slowing down, being still, and welcoming the peace, happiness and joy of an Island vacation.

This is my representation of A Room with a View – Martha’s Vineyard.

Writing 101, Day One: Unlock the Mind

Okay, timer is on. I am ready to start this first writing assignment. Feeling in panic-mode, I have to use Hubby’s Dell Laptop and the keyboard is configured entirely different from my MAC laptop. My MAC died. After spending two hours on the phone with two different Apple Support representatives, the MAC is still not operational. The only resolution they came up with was to schedule an appointment for me at the local Apple Store tomorrow.

But, I am determined not to let anything deter me from completing this first day assignment.

I can’t believe this day has gone so badly.

In addition to the dead MAC laptop, the Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis kicked in. Whenever, I over-exert, fail to pace my activities, and venture away from my normal sleeping habits, the body crashes. Pain level, as I write, is an 8 out of 10.

The increased pain levels are related to spending a fabulous long weekend in Wisconsin with family and friends. Our youngest grandson graduated from middle school and the family came together, as we always do, to celebrate the milestones in our lives.

This twenty minute writing, without stopping, to review what I have written is one of the most difficult things I have done. In my early years, I worked as a secretary. My job performance was measured by producing a neat, properly aligned document, absent spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. Added to this, I had to type the perfect document on a manual typewriter and many times produce five clean carbon copies. Does anyone remember carbon paper? So, typing a line and going back to ensure there are no errors has remained with me over the years. I would not have survived as a secretary without immediately proofreading to ensure accuracy. Correcting with an eraser the original document and 4-5 carbons could ruin the entire day.

OK my 20 minutes are up. I spent too much time writing, correcting, and re-writing the first assignment. This is a problem. Why can’t I randomly write without worry of creating the perfect final document. At least, as perfect as I feel I am capable of producing.