Mindfulness – Page 2 – SeasonedSistah

Freedom Friday: Week One – Mindfulness and Meditation

Reading the book, “You Are Not Your Pain,” prompted me to begin this 8-week journey of trying to manage my chronic pain condition through Mindfulness and Meditation.

Week One

I successfully completed the three required activities for Week One.

1. Twice Daily 10-Minute Body Scan Meditations

I had a difficult time staying fully aware of my breath as it flowed through different parts of my body during the meditations. But after several days, when I experienced emotional or physical pain; I breathed deeply, became aware, and acknowledged the pain with compassion and kindness.

2. Spend A Little Time with Nature, Daily

With temperatures in Orlando reaching the high 90s, I wasn’t able to spend time with nature in the way I had planned —

walks through our local botanical garden; and
sitting quietly by the lake in one of our beautiful county parks.

Upon learning that I was, virtually, housebound because of the summer heat in Florida, imaniking, creator of Freedom Friday, sent me an online portfolio of her beautiful nature photos to view.

3. SPEND ONE HOUR WITH NATURE ON ONE DAY

I spent two hours with nature everyday last week:

Meditating, Conscious Breathing and Being Still, daily, for one hour, before daybreak, while in the presence of nature’s singing birds and rustling tree leaves.
Water Exercising, daily, for one hour, periodically, looking upward at the changing colors of the sky and the ever-moving and billowing clouds.

After completing Week One, I now know that my pain:

is fluid rather than solid; and
should be timely welcomed and accepted with compassion and kindness.

Knowing this has enabled me to better manage and control my pain levels.

I am excited about beginning Week Two and can’t wait to share another new learning experience with you. Back next Friday.

Freedom Friday: Mindfulness and Meditation

Eight-Week Mindfulness and Meditation Journey

Today, my space opens up to a new venture; and, I want to thank imaniking for her blogging platform, Freedom Friday, to launch this 8-week journey to control and manage my chronic pain condition through mindfulness and meditation.

After reading both the paperback and listening to the audio of the book, “You Are Not Your Pain,” by Vidyamala Burch and Danny Penma, I made a personal commitment to give their 8-week program a try; and, to hold myself accountable I pledge to journal about this experience weekly on Freedom Friday.

Prescribed medications and physician care will always be a part of my chronic pain treatment plan; but, I am anxious to find out if adding these new mindfulness and meditation practices will make a difference..

My Chronic Pain History

Diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in 1993, the severe pain I experienced forced me to leave my career of twenty years. In 1996, I returned to the workforce; and, until 2008, with the exception of rare flare-ups, I managed my pain levels with prescribed medications and an exercise routine.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, I was told it was likely related to side-effects of the prescribed medication which had managed my Rheumatoid Arthritis for many years. The medication was discontinued, but the oncologist assured me that the RA pain would be managed with chemotherapy treatment.

While I no longer experienced RA pain, I did have a side-effect to the chemotherapy and ended up with a new pain diagnosis, Peripheral Neuropathy.

After I completed breast cancer treatment, my oncologist and rheumatologist conferred, searched, identified and agreed on a new drug to treat my RA pain. Within days after the first infusion of this drug, I was:

diagnosed with epiglottis;
hospitalized for weeks;
intubated for five days;
released from hospital; and,
diagnosed with a new condition of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

With COPD, nebulizers and inhalers entered my space but they never adequately controlled the coughing and breathing problems. Following two hospitalizations (2012 and 2013) because of severe bronchitis, it was determined that another RA medication I had taken for more than twenty years was attacking my lungs and the drug was discontinued.

My track record with medication hasn’t been great. While I will continue my current medications, I am not open to new ones. And, my rheumatologist hasn’t suggested or prescribed anything new since the epiglottis diagnosis.

Let the Journey Begin

Over the next week, I will complete:

Two 10-minute program meditations, daily;
Spend a little time with nature, daily; and
Spend 1 Hour with nature, on one day.

To better control pain levels as well as improve the quality of my life, I am committed to:

strengthening my current mindfulness and meditation practices through this 8-week program;
continuing my current prescribed medications and health care regime; and,
following my own Chronic Pain Self-Management Program
- Nutrition and Diet
- Healthy Sleep Habits
- Exercise
- Spiritual Uplifting
- Laughter/Humor
- Relaxation/Rest
- Music

My Blogging Hiatus Experience

In an opening scene of the 2013 TV series, Revenge, “Emily Thorne says:

“They say the best-laid plans often go awry. Because no matter how detailed the preparation, a plan will always have a WEAK SPOT…..”

Blogging Hiatus Plan

In anticipation of our two granddaughters visiting over spring break and Hubby and I celebrated our 55th Wedding Anniversary, I went on a 3+ week blogging hiatus. I devoted the first week to scheduling and organizing:

exciting activities for the granddaughters during their seven-day visit; and
interesting places for Hubby and I to visit over our four-day mini vacation.

“Weak Spot”

Days before the grands arrived, Hubby’s trigeminal nerve pain flared-up. He has lived with this condition for more than five years and the pain usually resolves on its own. But, in the last six months he has undergone several outpatient surgical procedures with only temporary relief.

Hubby’s severe pain flare-up was the “weak spot” in my family planned activities during this “blogging hiatus”.

Self-Trust

Rather than push the panic button when my “hiatus plans” hit a “weak spot”, I went to a space of stillness, quiet, and mindful breathing. In silence, Self-Trust emerged and I was able to re-direct and focus on creating a new plan, which gave me the Self-Confidence to:

Stretch – I went outside of my comfort-zone to overcome a long-time fear of driving on two-lane highways, tollways and interstate highways. When faced with the choice whether to disappoint our granddaughters or overcome my fears, it was a no-brainer. The granddaughters left eleven days ago and since that time I drive, solo, all over the City of Orlando and its suburbs. Getting to places where I like to go, without bugging Hubby, and enjoying every moment of this newfound freedom.
Let Go of the planned mini-vacation until Hubby’s pain condition is under control. Instead, I spent time reading, exploring, learning and relaxing.

Blogging Hiatus Experience

Through this “blogging hiatus experience”, Self-Trust emerged and strengthened my:

Self-Esteem to step outside of my comfort zone;
Inner Strength to move beyond the “weak spots” that cross my path; and
Self-Confidence to rely on my “inner voice.”

FEAR: Relaxing, Being Still and Breathing

Though I expected the results of the biopsy I had today by Friday, it’s not going to happen for three reasons:

The results can only be released to the oncologist.
He has to meet with me to go over the results.
His next available appointment is not until March 27.

But, I refuse to allow the FEAR of a breast cancer recurrence into my space by this delay.

FEAR will not change the biopsy results, but it will surely destroy my happiness, peace and joy for the next twenty-five days.

So, I choose to FIGHT FEAR by BEING STILL, RELAXING AND BREATHING while expressing gratitude for the gift of life and living in the present moment.

August 2014: Mother-Daughter Vacation in Martha’s Vineyard

Chronic Pain flare-up

Despite the fact that weeks before this scheduled trip, I was dealing with a pain flare-up in the right knee; I was going on the annual Mother-Daughter Vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.

I have struggled with chronic pain since 1993 related to diagnosed conditions of Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyaglia. Over the years, I developed various self-management tools to control the pain levels. However, my bone-on-bone knee pain needed either an injection or surgery. And, neither was available before this vacation.

Since there was nothing I could do to make the “Pain Go Away”, my only option was to “Grin and Bare It”

Wheelchair Transport Through the Airports

Since Hubby was not going, he ordered a wheelchair to transport me through the Orlando Airport. This is a long walk through one terminal, a short train ride, and a longer walk through a second terminal. Trust me the need for a wheelchair was the topic of more than one discussion in the days leading up to my departure. Finally, I gave in.

My son picked me up at the Milwaukee Airport and we were off to meet-up with the daughters. After the traditional hugs and kisses, they said, “Mama, you are limping.” While the limp was noticeable, I am certain Hubby had telephoned with his concerns.

After discussing the pros and my cons of a wheelchair; I lost and they ordered one for the next leg of my trip.

When I arrived in Milwaukee, I was an “Unhappy Wheelchair Traveler”; but, I left as the “Grumpy Wheelchair Traveler” as my 14-year-old grandson pushed me through the Milwaukee and Boston Airports.

Was it not just a few years ago that he depended on me to push him around in his stroller? I was not ready for this.

Having someone push me around in a wheelchair was not a pleasant experience; and, I felt —

Stressed
Powerless
Depressed
Angry
Embarrassed

The Airline Flight

On the airplane and seated comfortably; I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and let go of the negativity.

Through Self-Talk, Self-Awareness and Self-Acceptance; I embraced and accepted the gift of wheelchair transports from my hubby, son, two daughters and grandson.

No longer did I feel —

Stressed, I enjoyed Relaxing
Powerless, I gained Power
Depressed, I discovered Peace
Angry, I achieved Happiness
Embarrassed, I reflected Pride

A Few of My Favorite Mother-Daughter Vacation Photos – 2014

The 14-Year-Old Grandson, CJ with His Friend – Lunch on the Ferry

First Night. First Order of Business – Glass of Wine

My Play Daughter from Another Mother, My Youngest Daughter, and Their Two Boys Playing Monopoly on a Rainy Day

Could This Be The Reason The Moms Won At Monopoly? IPhones, IPADS, Laptops, X-Boxes, etc.? I’m Just Saying!!

Love The Old Vintage Homes on Main Street – Downtown Oak Bluff – Facing the Atlantic Ocean

Lunch on The Upper Deck of Nancy’s Seafood with Grandson, Two of His Friends and the Daughters

Surprise from The Daughters – My Favorite Appetizer Before the Crab Leg, Lobster and Shrimp Boil

The Grandson CJ – Adding Crab Legs to the Boil

It’s Crab Boil Night – Because CJ Hates Seafood, He Had A Burrito. His Friend Enjoyed the Crab Let Boil and the Burrito.

Relaxing and Sitting on The Oak Bluff Pier

Look Up In The Sky – Air Force Helicopters Flying Over Prior to The President’s Vacation Visit in The Next Several Days.

Beautiful Sunset View Sitting on The Front Porch

Last Night. Busy Week. Grandson Massaging Mom’s Feet. He Is Special!!!

Goodbye Rental House – See You In August 2015

Pain, Pain Go Away – Come Again Another Day

Introduction

For more than fourteen years, I believed MY Pain had “Gone Away”. But, in December 2013, the Pain decided to “Come Again Another Day”. And, I started to experience both intermittent and continuous pain daily and nightly. The levels ranged from “five” to “ten” on the “standardized pain management scale.”

Why the Pain Came Back

This “pain flare-up” occurred when I quit taking the injectable drug, Methotrexate, to treat MY Rheumatoid Arthritis. I injected the first dose in 1997 and once a week thereafter until it was discontinued in December 2013.

Toward the end of November 2013, I was hospitalized for treatment of bronchitis. The pulmonologist performed a bronchoscopy procedure while I was in the hospital. Several weeks after being released from the hospital, I followed up with the pulmonologist; and, he shared the results of the bronchoscopy procedure. It showed scarring on MY lungs. Prior to MY follow-up visit, the pulmonologist spoke with MY rheumatologist . Both agreed, this newly diagnosed lung condition was due to the side effects of Methotrexate I was told to immediately discontinue the medication. They offered no options for alternative treatments.

When the Pain Came Back

Shortly after discontinuing the medication, the years of living virtually pain-free ended. I was in pain. I mean really, really severe pain. I first went to see MY rheumatologist and followed up with a visit to MY primary care physician.

The rheumatologist increased my prednisone prescription from 5 to 7-½mg. Several weeks passed with no pain relief; so, he increased the prednisone from 7-½ to10 mg. Still there was no pain relief. Finally, the rheumatologist prescribed Leflunomide, 20mg. But, he cautioned it could take at least four weeks before I saw any improvements. Could I live with this unbearable pain for four weeks? No!!!! I had to look elsewhere.

So, I went to see MY primary care physician for advice and to, specifically ask, if it was okay to take Vicodan. I had eleven pills left from the thirty prescribed in February 2010; when I was discharged from the hospital after an extended stay for the treatment of epiglottitis. He responded in a very patronizing voice, “stay away from pain medications they are not good for you.”

I couldn’t believe he said that!!! Had he bothered to look at MY past medical records? If he had taken the time, he would have noted that during MY more than 20 years as a chronic pain patient (other than the 2010 hospitalization); I never received a prescription for an opioid/narcotic medication When he offered no alternatives for dealing with the pain, I knew it was time to step outside the box.

The Pain Goes Away

I reached out to MY pain management doctor in Wisconsin. She is fellowship-trained in pain management as well as board certified in both anesthesia and pain management. I have been under her care for more than seventeen years. I schedule follow-up visits at least 2-3 times a year when I return to Wisconsin. Under her care, I had managed MY chronic pain without opioid medication and invasive procedures for more than seventeen years. Through a multidisciplinary approach, working together, we developed a comprehensive, individualized treatment plan focusing on: medication management, physical therapy, nutrition/diet, psychological counseling, and a variety of self management tools (exercise, mindfulness, diet/nutrition, sleeping habits, music, relaxation, distractions, etc).

On Tuesday, I telephoned her. She listened to ME. She empathized with ME. She responded to MY needs. She prescribed a non-narcotic pain medication to help ME.

I started taking it on Wednesday. Today, Sunday, as I write this post; I am virtually pain-free. I am able to:

prepare meals,
perform housekeeping chores,
exercise at the YMCA
shop for groceries and flowers to plant, and
water and tidy up around our container flower garden.

Come Again Another Day

Since there is no known cure for chronic pain, I am certain it will return. In the meantime, I will search for two new doctors in Florida. Doctors who, I believe, have the capacity to understand and respond to the unique needs of a chronic pain patient.

“Few things a doctor does are more important than relieving pain… pain is soul destroying. No patient should have to endure intense pain unnecessarily. The quality of mercy is essential to the practice of medicine; here, of all places, it should not be strained.” (Marcia Angell)