Never Forgotten
My mother would have celebrated her 91st birthday on Saturday, October 17th. Â Sadly, she celebrated her last birthday on October 17, 1967. Â Two months later, following a lengthy illness, she passed away at the young age of forty-four. Â Even though its been almost forty-eight years since her death, my mourning continues.
Lost Memories
In 1967, I walked away from my mother’s burial site and never returned. Â The years passed, memories faded and I forgot the:
- exact date of her death,
- church where her funeral was held, and
- cemetery where she was buried.
My memories of these things were deeply buried and forgotten. Â Approximately thirty years after my mother’s death, one returned when I attended my maternal aunt’s funeral. Â Sitting next to my husband, I remarked, “This is my first time in the new church.” Â He reminded me that my mother’s funeral had been held there.
Searching for Lost Memories
On Monday, October 19, I began the search to recapture the lost memories of Mama’s death.
First, I went to the county’s online genealogy records where you can get access to records, by last name, of people who died in the county more than twenty years ago. Â While I couldn’t find mama’s name, my father’s death was listed as June 30, 1978. Â In the next week or so, I plan to followup with the county and found out why her name is not showing up in their genealogy records.
Having hit a brick wall, I telephoned the church and told my story to the woman who answered the phone:
“My mama died in 1967 and I was so traumatized by her death that I blocked everything from my memory. Â I am now looking for closure and trying to find out the date of her death and where she was buried.”
She said the church didn’t start keeping records until the 1970s. Â However, this kind woman gave me the name of three cemeteries that likely would have handled a burial from the church during the 1960s.
I telephoned the first cemetery and repeated my story to the woman who answered the phone. Â She listened and, in an understanding and caring voice, said, “give me a few minutes to check.” Â Within five minutes she came back on the line saying:
“Your mother was buried on December 23, 1967. Â She is buried in Section K, Lot #4 and Grave #10.
When I asked if a headstone was on the grave, she didn’t know.  But, offered to have a groundskeeper check and said she would get back to me before the end of the day.
Late afternoon, she called and reported that there was no headstone. Â I asked if she could recommend where one could be purchased. Â She said, “right here at the cemetery and I can email you the information.”
The Search is Over
To honor and remember my mother, in death, I plan to:
- get a copy of my her death certificate;
- make sure her name is properly listed on the county’s death records;
- buy a headstone and have it placed on her grave by year’s end;
- visit her grave in July 2016 when I am in the Chicago area;
- order flowers for mama’s grave on her birthday, Mother’s Day and Christmas.
- send letters, expressing gratitude and thankfulness, to the two women who were so understanding and helpful in this search.
For the remaining days of my life, I choose to share memories of mama, through my voice and written words, so that my children, grandchildren and future generations know from “whence they came.” (James Baldwin)
I lost memories of my mama’s death, but I cherished and retained the memories of our life together.
SeasonedSistah 